Disney Princesses & Patsies

Be the monster they fear you are.

The topic of this post is an aspect of Disney that has troubled me and could potentially harm my children: their heroes and heroines are dangerously lacking in tactical proficiency given the dangers that constantly assail them. There are countless examples but the common theme is that Disney appears to confuse good morals with bad tactics.

It is important for people — especially young children — to know that these are two separate and distinct topics. Herein are my attempts to identify the problem and de-Disneyfy my kids. One typical example was the fight on the castle in Beauty And The Beast. It starts promisingly enough, with the Beast getting the upper hand, holding his enemy — who has the means and intent of murdering him — over a precipice.

Drop him. If any of my kids are ever confronted with this situation, they need to know to push him over the edge. Finish the fight. What does Disney teach? Let him back in the fight and turn your back.

You then get stabbed in the back with a knife. Then, the enemy happens to die anyway so this was even useless on its dubious humanitarian grounds.

So the only marginal difference is a deep knife wound to the back, risking vital organs and a potential to bleed out. This outcome was a decision and a bad one. The Beast was a patsy. He did not push his advantage and end the fight. In a knife fight, someone always gets cut. It does not have to be you. The doe eyed close ups of the faces appear to intimate that this was a sign of virtue. It was a sign of stupid.

However, this is nothing compared to what Disney tries to turn our daughters into: soft targets. In Frozen the heroine Elsa is attacked by a large, armed man in her bedroom with the means and intent to murder her. As he comes towards her, Elsa is ready and able to defend herself.

This is a wonderful opportunity for Disney to make up for decades of telling our daughters to flop around waiting for a prince to solve their problems. Elsa is not a victim. She can neutralize this threat, ending him here and now. He has a crossbow pointed at her, so she has every conceivable justification. Instead, she hesitates, being told, “don’t be the monster they fear you are.”

What? If a man breaks into a woman’s bedroom and points a weapon at her, defending herself would make her the monster? Incidentally, the guy who stopped her turns out to be a bad guy too. But as soon as he tells her what to do, she quiets down and does what she is told. Girls, if you are ever in this horrible situation: be the monster they fear you are.

Contra Disney, for smart kids

• Be safe.
• Prepare.
• Be patient.
• Avoid fair fights.
• Think for yourself.
• Always have an edge.
• Aim small, miss small.
• If you have to, hit first.
• Run away fast or hit hard.
• You can never have too much firepower.
• If it is worth fighting, it is worth fighting dirty.
• If it is worth shooting, it is worth shooting again.
• If the enemy is still alive and still armed, you are still in a fight.
• If you are unwilling to do bad things to bad people, it will get worse.
• If you are in a knife fight, get out of the knife fight however you can.
• Don’t get punched in the face; getting punched in the face is terrible.