No
Decline almost every request and invitation
The best canned wisdom for easily improving your life is to decline almost every request and invitation. One night stand on shore leave? One more drink before the end of the night? Seconds on dessert? Buy a new car? More carbs? Another stock for your portfolio? Almost always simply say,
No.
Really Really, I Can’t Emphasize This Enough: No
Especially say no when the person making the offer seeks you out. A broker calls you up with a hot tip? A charmer slides up to you at a bar? You’re in tears and a stranger appears to comfort you? These scenarios are even more stacked against you. Availability and desirability are so inversely correlated that you need to be especially on your guard when someone just shows up offering exactly what you need. If you are in trouble and seek out help, you have a low chance of stumbling on a con man. If you’re in distress outside a Western Union and someone steps from the shadows with a smile and offer to help, you have almost certainly just met one.
Not Enough Nos
Where have I lost my way? I love metrics. Things that matter can be measured. When I am on the right path, I can tell right away because I am making measurable progress. When I lose my way, it is when I don’t understand what the metric is and assume there is some vague future payoff. I try to be extremely intentional about my time, space, and relationships and keep only the stuff, activities, and people around me that I highly value.
But this process doesn’t work transitively. When I adopt other people’s standards — even other people I like and admire for some aspects of their lives — I end up wasting my time. I am particularly vulnerable to the relationships that seem particularly pointless because I assume that there is some super secret reason for others’ time commitments that I’ll only discover with enough of a commitment of my own.
Well, my payoff for such efforts has been zero and at high cost. People who don’t value their time too highly (and some people are right to discount theirs) won’t value your time highly either. People you should avoid won’t care — they won’t hit some ceiling of imposing upon you where they show mercy and say, “he’s had enough”. You are your only defense.
My plan is to keep all of my resources as poised as possible for new opportunities. I want my space completely cleared off — everything put away or given away or thrown away. All horizontal surfaces cleared off. Nothing out of place. I want my calendar cleared off — only commitments with proven value. No mystery meetings where you discover the point by attending. Cull away all of life’s clutter, distractions, and waste. Then I will be able to discover what’s left.
